honchos

coffee, but no cigarettes
in the inner sanctum
of the top honcho' s office.
documents given, perused.
few words, glances all 'round
scribbles, lo, request granted.
a piece of paper next slipped,
penned by the ex-honcho.
leaving, money did change hands.

Indeed one of the tragedies in life is having no goal to reach. But who are we to say that a particular person has no goal? What if that particular person is wallowing abject poverty?

All have goals, I believe. But to the majority, it is simply looking for the next food on the table. To us who do view the world, and life, in a broader perspective, know that that can never be enough. But what if that is only what their minds can grasp? Who are we to judge then, especially when we do not help in alleviating their poverty or raising their level of consciousness and awareness?

But then, that is a large-scale view. The barrio setting provides a smaller view. They do have goals, too. To finally 'finish' their house. To have their kids finish even just the elementary level. To have their daughter go to Japan or marry a foreigner. To have their elder children get work so they could help in raising their younger siblings.

Goals. But not the right set that will truly better their condition raise their level of awareness. Just plain survival.

not a special day

Then the clock struck the midnight hour.

Another year survived.

This time around, it caught me on a contest of will and guessing game with a relatively new friend. Win some, lose some.

The second hour saw me driving on a deserted stretch of road with my sister and her partner. Then my first meal of the day - goto and tokwa't baboy on a hole in the wall. i finally saw my bed just before dawn broke.

Just a few hours after, work mates woke me up. It was work for the rest of the day and evening. Even during the mini-celebration.

Highlight of the day? Got a lot of greetings posted on my facebook timeline. It took me more than a day to thank them individually.

celebrating - should be.

celebrating - must i?
just another year.

valentine's coming up,
just another day.
ordinary days.

nothing special at all.

Yes, nothing special at all.

But some good friends did give me some smiles. Like my gypsy friend.

"now is the anniversary of your rebirth...may you have more lives to live evolving towards perfection,until no need to be reborn again. truly...life begins at 40...ing hanggang kamuritan,meaning ning bie, kamutingan abalu mu ngan...i should say it will change your view and understanding what life is all about...awesome and indescribable beauty,crazy but sacred..."

Problem though, I still have to wait for another year. :)

My Coia.

Masayang kebaitan keka J*** ***** ****o

Sana maging masaya ya ining kekang aldo,

Dagdagan na pa sana ning Guinung atyu babo

Ing grasyang atyu keka, ita sanang lalapo.

.

Ipangadi ku mu rin ing ingatan na ka

Ing dakal a pagsubuk, alampasan mu sana,

Deng kekang kaluguran pagtumayla da ka

Ngeni, kapilanman, angga king alang angga.

This from my amigo.

"happy birthday.....sana'y lagi kng masaya di lng sa iyong kaarawan kundi maging sa araw araw,,,

at nawa'y

sampalin,

suntukin,

tadyak

sikaran,at

bagyuhin

at lindulin

ng maraming

mga swerte at mga

pagpapala ng panginoon,,,

MALIGAYANG KAARAWAN-:[][][] 0(^______^)0"

This on my inbox from another friend.

Happy Birthday

_()()()()()
_ | | | | |
{ . _ . _ . _ . _ . }
_ _{ . _ . _ . _ . _ . }__
`~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Aldo kebaitan iti emu akalingwan
Binye ni Igpa at iti mu pakamalan
Kareng masanting biyaya mung dadalanan
King ablas ning kekang pipagalan.

Masanting ya regalu king bie mu
Na ika atin ka pamilyang pahinturu
Kabud buri mulang igapang at itikdu
Para eda dalanan itang kruz pisanan mu

Ing aldo ayni aldo ika matula
Uling aldo ning kekang kaybaytan
Nanu karin sisimbulu king kekang katatagan
At kekang harapan ing unus a daratang

Ing cake a ine kekaming bibye
Ini simbulu miya king kekang ganaka
Ikaming pamilya mu king Buclud matula
Sasabing kaluguran daka

King Igpa tamu ming adwan
King kekang sarili, obra at pamilya
Yabe mune ing darandaman
Atin ka sana king masanting kabilyan

At emi kakalingwan pa kang Igpa

Na kekaming adwan

Na sana dakal ka pang

Kandilang labulan

Masayang aldo kebaytan

This was a surprise.

"Mamugue queca, aldó mu ngeni,

Ing anggáng pangarap mu sana mipaltutû,
Ding caluguran at quecang milulugúd,
Ara ngang agnán-agnán:
"Mayap a aldó ning quebaitán!""

Oh well. These among others may be construed as special. Make no mistake, am truly thankful for the nuggets. But as a whole, it really wasn't special.

tamales

coffee, cigarettes and tamales.
tanaga versions all a-swirl.
phones, paper, pen awaits.

getting in the mood,
my phone rings
and work intrudes.

poetry, oh poetry,
i have abandoned you.
reading is all i wish to do.

getting in the mood,
phone rings
and work intrudes!

why, oh why,
did i again make lines
in a language i know not

getting in the mood,
a colleague comes
and work intrudes!

go back, go back
relearn, refriend the forms
learn more words too!

aha! i have a blog!

earlier today, i was browsing a friend's blog. i just wanted to see the layout i did on one of the poems. when suddenly i remembered, i have a blog on this same site.

the thing is, i couldn't remember which of my two emails i used here and i couldn't remember the password. spent more than an hour checking my backup files looking for the password. then spent another hour trying to get this site help me remember.

i kept clicking the link to send me an email because i cannot see the message on my inbox. fool that i am, i was checking the inbox of the email address i used in logging on here. when all the while blogger.com was sending the messages on my other email address. more of a fool i am, when i logged in to my gmail, i was automatically logged in here too.

i was, still am and i think i will always be addicted to the world wide web. but facebook really takes the cake! finding my capampangan voice, my groups and friends multiplied. indicating on my profile that i am the barangay treasurer, more people sent me requests. telling public school teachers (whom i gave seminar workshops to) that yes indeed, that is my name on facebook, more friend requests arrived. in my barangay and town, more people now know me by my high school nickname than my childhood nickname.

i joined facebook for my high school batch. now, i really do not know what to make of it anymore. it has become too public for me. it is just too stressful logging on to it. i thought the solution was to create a private account. one where i could be me and bitch if i want to and i could choose my friends. but i think it isn't really working like how i envisioned it to be. facebook took away my browsing on other sites. it just eats up a lot of my online time.

maybe that is why am posting right now. am a start-then-stop blogger. even during the times i access any of my previous blogs, i do not post. once or twice is more than enough. but seeing this again, i can't help but remember the promise i made to myself when i started this blog.

i planned to use this as my mouthpiece for the experiences i had with local governance. which i will do after i have left it. but am still here.

i am faced with the question, where will this blog go? or rather, where would i take this? currently, i am so fed up with the system. yes, i have made changes. yes, i was instrumental in the changes. almost all of the changes i instituted then, not only in my barangay but the town itself, are now being implemented. but flak is still all i get.

several friends i found on facebook are consciously and unconsciously encouraging me to go back to writing. but i am afraid. i have suppressed this love of mine for so long that i have it down to an art form. but being in constant communication with my artist friends on facebook, the need to write is slowly seeping out. am still keeping a lid on it because i fear writing nowadays.

so where do i go? where would i take this blog? remove it again? or just simply abandon it like some of the others before this?

no, am ignoring the basic question here. which is, will i write again? will i do it regularly just like i did decades ago? like before, will i write simply because i want to write and not give a damn to technicalities and forms and what people may say? then what good would this blog be if my answer will be no?

angst

you're right.
(non-existent logic. fool!)
yes, sir!
(bigger, stronger, higher.)
i agree.
(you'll be the death of me.)
yes, ma'am!
(bigger, stronger, higher.)
yes, of course!
(get me out of this hole!!!)

friendly colors

yellow, red,
black and blue.
mixing up.

accidentally.
inadvertently.
providentially?

all these colors,
end up in white?