aha! i have a blog!

earlier today, i was browsing a friend's blog. i just wanted to see the layout i did on one of the poems. when suddenly i remembered, i have a blog on this same site.

the thing is, i couldn't remember which of my two emails i used here and i couldn't remember the password. spent more than an hour checking my backup files looking for the password. then spent another hour trying to get this site help me remember.

i kept clicking the link to send me an email because i cannot see the message on my inbox. fool that i am, i was checking the inbox of the email address i used in logging on here. when all the while blogger.com was sending the messages on my other email address. more of a fool i am, when i logged in to my gmail, i was automatically logged in here too.

i was, still am and i think i will always be addicted to the world wide web. but facebook really takes the cake! finding my capampangan voice, my groups and friends multiplied. indicating on my profile that i am the barangay treasurer, more people sent me requests. telling public school teachers (whom i gave seminar workshops to) that yes indeed, that is my name on facebook, more friend requests arrived. in my barangay and town, more people now know me by my high school nickname than my childhood nickname.

i joined facebook for my high school batch. now, i really do not know what to make of it anymore. it has become too public for me. it is just too stressful logging on to it. i thought the solution was to create a private account. one where i could be me and bitch if i want to and i could choose my friends. but i think it isn't really working like how i envisioned it to be. facebook took away my browsing on other sites. it just eats up a lot of my online time.

maybe that is why am posting right now. am a start-then-stop blogger. even during the times i access any of my previous blogs, i do not post. once or twice is more than enough. but seeing this again, i can't help but remember the promise i made to myself when i started this blog.

i planned to use this as my mouthpiece for the experiences i had with local governance. which i will do after i have left it. but am still here.

i am faced with the question, where will this blog go? or rather, where would i take this? currently, i am so fed up with the system. yes, i have made changes. yes, i was instrumental in the changes. almost all of the changes i instituted then, not only in my barangay but the town itself, are now being implemented. but flak is still all i get.

several friends i found on facebook are consciously and unconsciously encouraging me to go back to writing. but i am afraid. i have suppressed this love of mine for so long that i have it down to an art form. but being in constant communication with my artist friends on facebook, the need to write is slowly seeping out. am still keeping a lid on it because i fear writing nowadays.

so where do i go? where would i take this blog? remove it again? or just simply abandon it like some of the others before this?

no, am ignoring the basic question here. which is, will i write again? will i do it regularly just like i did decades ago? like before, will i write simply because i want to write and not give a damn to technicalities and forms and what people may say? then what good would this blog be if my answer will be no?