Georgie

Ot liquan mu na cami? E mu na cami buring abaian? Mepagal na ca? Ot e ca nilaban? E mu ne rugu penaian milaco i babap. E mu iata buri ing ala ia queni quing bale tamu.

Iquit mung meragul reng anac. Caquialung mu la. Lacuan at dasan da ca reng aliuang capamilia. Reng manuc at pati-pati e mu paquipaten andiang maquiabe la quing pamangan mu.

Reng baiung cuting e mu naman paquipaten. Casiping mu la pang matudtud. Ning minsan pin matudtud la pang macapatung queca e.

Deng bibi mu reng e mu panupaia. Uling siguru balu mung e tala capamilia. At acaquit mung e mi la naman buri reta uling anong capagdinat quening bale tamu.

Aniang malati ca, pagtripan mu la reng damulag ning casiping tamung bale. Pati reng mangaragul a reta e mu petugutan quing pialung. O simap e ca mengaramusac carela.

Reng tuta, andiang e la queca, bala mu ica ing inda da. Magselus la pin queca ing mismung inda da. Andiang e ca biasang manganac, simap adinan mu caming metung. Oneng calupa mung e biasang manganac mu naman.

Reng maquilabas a tau, anong catacut queca. Ana ca caia caragul. E ca pa man quinaung, mangilag no queca. Patie naman quinaung na ca, nuco, gagalgal na la quing tacut. Caragul mu bosis casi. Dapot patie anac la reng maquilabas o mamialung quening lele bale, ana cang tunud. Buri mu tagana reng anac ne?

Meiaua la iata quing pamagmalun mu at pamaglaco. Menganac ing anac at apu mu a ala queng uastung aldo. Alang cumabie carening anac da. E mu que pin pala dininan calupa mu, oneng calupa da ne man ing inda mu.

E ca man migpaalam aniang maco ca. Cabud na ca mung metudtud. E ca man sinaingsing o menguising.

Siam a banua. Maluat ne uari tagana ita? Siguru pin...siguru pin. 

lacuan da co pa

apibata cu sa

ing e ra caiu acaiabe

manibat caguising

anga quing pamanudtud.

apibata cu sana'ng

ing sagacgac iu at quiac

pamamusit, capusungan

e cu na pamu damdaman.

apibata cu sa

ing e ra caiu acaquialung.

aca-Mcdo ning ganingaldo,

o aca-movie marathon. 

pibatan cu

ing lumaut.

pibatan cu

ing magdilidili.

pibatan cu

ing calungcutan.

pibatan cu.

*********

iiwan ko muna kayo 

matiis ko sana

ang 'di ko kayo makapiling

mula sa paggising

hanggang sa pagtulog.

matiis ko sana

na ang inyong halakhak at tangis,

biruan at asaran

hindi ko muna marinig.

matiis ko sana

na hindi ko kayo makalaro,

maka-McDo sa madaling-araw

o maka-movie marathon.

titiisin ko

ang lumayo.

titiisin ko

ang mag-isa.

titiisin ko

ang kalungkutan.

titiisin ko.

Toting Tugac

I Toting Tugac ing pecamaulit at masias dili buntuc caring micacapatad. Mailig iang mamasial dili na. Andiang bengui na, tatacas ia.


Minsan a bengui, asaganan ne I Pipoy Panas.


“Maiap a bengui, Pipoy!” nga’anang Toti queng queiang caluguran. “Nucarin ca munta? Ot icang dili?”


“Maiap a bengui mu naman, Toti!” nga’nang Pipoy. “Mitauli cu caring caiabe cu. Atin caming baiung
pidatucanang pamangan. Munta cu carin.”


“Maliari cung tuqui? Bisa cung mamasial,” nga’nang Toti.


“Ua sigue, ban ‘ta atin cu rin acaiabe uli’ng malaut mu rin ita,” paquibat nang Pipoy.


Masaia lang mipapagcuentung meco dening micaluguran.


“O ren na reng caiabe mo, Pipoy, acaquit cu na la. Calapit mu pala!”


“Catalic mu caiang lucsu, Toti! Mepagal cu pin e,” a nang Pipoy. “Tara, paquilala da ca caring aliua cung caiabe.”


Pequilala neng Pipoy i Toti careng caluguran na. Caibat igcat de i Toti a lungub quing baiu dang bodega.


“Casanting pala queni. Marimla at mediu madalumdum. Alang istorbu,” a nang Toti.


“Lacuan da ca pa ne, Toti,” a nang Pipoy, “ Sumaup cu pang manacut.”


“Ua sigue, Pipoy,” paquibat nang Toti, “Pasialan que ing paligid ning quecaiung bodega.”


Meco ne i Pipoy at i Toti naman migsamula neng maglaue-laue quing queiang paligid. Malati ia mu ing lugal. Oneng, malati la reng panas ania para carela, maragul ne pin naman ing lugal. Pero para cang Toti, malati ia mu. Ania sinaguli, apasialan ne ing palibut ning bodega.


Pagtacan ne ing maragul at mabilug a bage quing libutad na ning bodega. Andiang nanan neng isipan, e ne balu nung nanu ia ita.


Magtaca ia uli’ng dacal ia busbus ing mabilug a bague. Aliua-aliua la dagul. Sinilip ia quing metung a busbus i Toti. Ala iang iquit a laman. Aisip nang manintun dalan ban ‘ta macalub ia.


Dirutan ne ing mabilug a bague. Mecapansin iang busbus a mediu maragul oneng matas baguia. Uli’ng bisa ia taganang milub, macatapilan ia sinubuc lucsu ban ta mu milub ia.


Quing capat a pamagtangca na, aiabut ne ing busbus. Linsut ia at menacbag quing quilub ning mabilug a bageng macalibutad quing bodega da reng panas.


“Ala pin taganang laman. Cabud mung mabilug. E man pante ing lapag. Nanu ia caia ini?” a nang Toti quing sarili na.


Uling mepagal ia, migpainaua ia pa mu i Toti. Mipaidlip ia.


Bigla ia mung meguising aniang atin digpa caiang maian a bague. Macatatlu ia mituran.


Mitambunan ia. Baiu no pa alaco deng macatambun caia, bigla iang ginalo ing mabilug a bague. E ia milaco quing pangatambun na. E ia macalucsung palual.


Ing mabilug a bague, dudurut ia! Mabagal quing samula oneng bibilis, bibilis ia! I Toting Tugac, a mitambunan, e ne migalo quing salusu ning pamandurut ning apuntalan nang lugal.


“Mate na cu iata. E cu casi maquiramdam careng pengari cu e. Dapat tiqui que i coia cu. Hu-hu-hu!” mangagang sasabian nang Toti quing queiang sarili.


Calabas ning pilan minutu, cala-calale iang tinucnang quing pamandurut oneng ing iatu nang Toti, anti ia pa mu ring dudurut. Maliliu ia at e ia migalo. Andiang aniang milaco na la reng macatambun caia, e ne pa mu rin agalo ing catauan na.


Aniang milaco ne ing tauling macatambun, dindam ne ing bosis ning metung a anac a ginulisac, “Tugac! Atin tugac quing drier!”


“Nano?!” ana naman ning bosis babai, “Ot e mu pamu nilaue baiu mo quebit deng pundang ulun? Mete ia? Mengapusit ia?”


“E cu pu apansin e,” nga na ning anac. “Bapa, sopan na pung ilaco ia ing tugac. E ia pu gagalo. Cabud ia mu pung macatalanga.”


“Mabie cu pa,” a nang Toti quing isip na. “Patie milual cu queni, agad cung lucsung malaut.”


Oneng aniang miatia ia quing gabun, e ia pa mu rin migalo. Sibucnan nang linucsu. E ia man milaco quing lugal na. Pilit neng susubucnang ibaba ing buntuc na. E ia naman bisang mamintu ing buntuc na. Buri nong culaitan deng capatad na. Oneng balu nang e re dandaman uling malaut ia.


Catacut nang Toti. Maiap na mu itang anac e ne calupa reng aliuang anac a mapamusit. Pepaburen nia mu i Toti. E ne pemialungan o gelauan mu man.


Caibat na ning e na balu nung nuanti cacabang oras, mimasmas ia i Toti.


Minuli ia at sinabi na quing sarili na, “E na cu lumaut pasibaiung ala caiabe”.

babai

anac

apu

pangunacan

uali

atsi

caquialung

disipulus

caclasi

caiagum

caiabe

quing obra

quing pisamban

quing comunidad

caiantabe

palsintan

caluguran

asaua

cabangal

manuiang

indu

catuangan

ápû

anac

manganac

a penganac

ning menganac

lalang

a lalalang

a lelang

ning talalalang

taguiang

ia ibatan

at ia naman

ing taguiang

ding sablang

taguiang

queng salamin

ia ing asque

ning lalaqui

babai

Salilungang Meuala Quing Camulangan

Manibat quing ibat, buri cu la reng mangacuiad a poesia. Poesiang gagamit ditac amanu oneng malaman, macabaldugan. Poesiang dirinan na cung maliualas a lugal nung nucarin maliaring mamialungan ing canacung panimanman.


Mainip cung mamasang mangacabang poesia lalus na nung balic-balic na mu ampo cucuentu na ing e gana-gana. Ala nang melacuan para quing mamasa. Balu cu naman a atin poesiang cailangan macaba. Anti na mo quing Inferno nang Dante. O caia ing Tarik Soliman nang John S. Manalili. Oneng deng aliuang atataquiran cu, pacacaba de pa andiang capaliari naman misulat macuiad.


Patungcul naman quing rima ampo sucad, ua, maniaman lang paquiramdaman deng macarima ampo masanting babasan patie macasucad. Anti cang duduian patie macanian ia pangacudta. Oneng para canacu, macasaua mu rin nung puru na mung macanian.


Ining Impun nang Apung Kragi Garcia ing mecaracap atensiun cu quing librung Tuglung. Aliu ia careng caraclan a ababasa cung cudtang Capampangan. Aliua ia porma, ala iang tequiquian rima o sucad. Mangacuaid a linia, ning minsan, metung mung amanu. Ditac a amanu, dapot asnang caracal reng larauan ampo capanandamang linto't memialung quing isip ampo pusu cu.


Macuiad oneng icua cu ing buong cuentu manibat quing minunang pamiquit anga quing pamicauani. Ing caiang pamanaus salilungan quing caiang palsintan agad nang minaplus quing canacung pusu. Tambing nilub quing isip cu ing Sanctuary nang Calla Lily at bala mu bigla queng dindam tinigtig cabang babasan que ing poesia.

"You are my light,

you are my home,

you are my sanctuary.

You are my peace,

you are my hope,

you are my sanctuary."

"Bayung pamalsinta.

Pamangaybugan mu kaya?"

Menaquit iang aliuang palsintan ania micasira la ning caiang salilungan? Ania meualan iang cabaldugan ing Impun? Ania macanita neng inari ing poesia?

"Mamulang ku.

Asnang kamulang!"

Oita ing masaquit quecatamung tau. Quing mumuna, asna tamung calalam lugud. Quing pamaglabas ning panaun at quinampa na ing mumunang silakbo ning capanandaman, ot anang calaguang manaquit baiung mamieng sigla't tula? Reng canitang mangalating bage a e naman taganang caiatu-atu, magui iang maragul a problema. Micucumpara ia quing pamanugali ning baiung palsintan. Tambing iang mitatambunan deng bagueng liguran tamu quing minunang palsintan pauli na namu ning licas a tula't lingapngap a darala ning baiung pamalsinta.


Ot e tamu dinan lingapngap ampo baiung sigla ing casalucuian a relasiun? Ot e tamu dinan oras ampo pusu ing pamanisip paralan ban canita ing sigla't tula e mimin? Ot mas dirinan tamung oras ing pamaniese't pamangambul quing baiung caquilalang balu tamu naman a maliaring muli quing pamalsinta? (Ot pilit tamung lalapitan ing api, ta gamu-gamo tamu?) Pamalsintang ali istu uling panasaquitan tamu capandaman at paglocuan tamu ing taung minunang minie tiuala't lugud quecatamu.


Casumangid na nini, atin macasambitlang, "geua cu ne ing egana-gana ba caming misalese oneng ala na taganang maliari, ala na ing respetu, ala na ing lugud." O e di, sulung! Micauani caiu pang masalese baiu manintun baiung sinta ban canita alang midamusac, alang maparalis.


Quing camatutuan, balu cung dacal pang mialiuang sangcan, mialiuang circumstances ania e tagana maliari ing micacauani. Ania atin at atin mumusbung macanian a relasiun. Nung sanang aiuasan, iuasan. Nung macapaglarin, larinan. Oneng aliua nang pisasabian ita quesa quing buri nang ipaiabut ning poesiang ini. Dapot taganang carin mu rin miras ing pisasabian a ini.


Ing masaquit, mipaquiapus tamu quing bida ning poesiang ini uling penusigan tamu ing caburian tamung mamialungan quing baiu ampo casalucuian a sinta, at quing catataluian aquit tamung ing tune lugud ia pin ing quecatamung impun at pamangaibugan mu pin ing quecatamung pipagtampison. Quing catataulian, tauli na pin man. Meaula ne ing quecatamung salilungan.


Camulangan pin.

Impun

nang Kragi Garcia

Impun.

Ika.

Salilungan.

Mumunang pamikit.

Timang mendatila.

Bakas namu.

Lalabul ing angin.

Mamagus ing danum.

Lumang dalit.

Bayung sunis.

Lawiwi ya naman.

Lagyu mu.

Sadyang mikaluguran.

Bayung pamalsinta.

Pamangaybugan mu kaya?

Panalala…

palibutan na

ing mayumu mung lupa.

Impun.

Alang kabaldugan.

Sadya.

Matwa ya mung impun.

Sagiwang panalala.

Ika.

Impun.

Buri kung sabyan.

Mamulang ku.

Asna kamulang!

Manibat iquit que ining cautasan aini quing librung Tuglung II, miabe ia careng paburitu cu. Balic-balican queng babasan, a-memorize cu ne pin iata e. Ngeni cu pa micasican lub isulat ing panandaman cu patie babasan que ini. Panupaia careng e mamaiun careng asambitla cu quing babo. Paganaca que mu pu, pansarili cu pung capandaman ian.

uran at anguin

uran.

deng tugac, memaglual.

deng bibi, memandilu.

sisi’t aiup, memanialilung.

anguin.

deng sanga, uauasiuas.

deng bulung, mengalagas.

bungang-tanaman, mengabalag.

anguin, uran,

e iu pacasican.

e iu pandalasan.

catamtaman mu sa.

Cupidung Mulala

Maniampucaquing lugud. Macapangaplus careng pusung maua quing maiumung lugud.

Lugud a baual, lugud a alang cararasan. Lugud a macagulu, lugud a macasira.

"Nung magsilbi mu sa cacu iang calagan
Pusu mung mitali quilub ning pisamban"

Quing mumuna pang parapu, macalto nang talasaua ing daraunan nang lugud. Ot baquit pepaburen na pang lugud iang anti canini quing metung a taung baiu ne pa man aquilala, macatali na?

"Agaua cu caiang gamat mung tatarian
Aliua ing caia nuneyng cacung uanan
Mapaliari caia na cacu lang uman
Malutu mung labi a maiumu timan"

Caiumu na pin ning midadaun a lugud. Andiang ninung babai, siguradung mabalag. Pamitan a ablas a lugud, malaguang acamtan. Oneng ing mesabing babai, macatali ne. Ot pepaburen na pang magbusal ing queiang lugud?

Quing panaun iti, caracal a cuentu ning macanian, miraras pa e mu quing pamicauani da reng miasaua nune pati pangasira ning bie da reng anac ra. Atin mu naman a sinaguling milalaco quing uastung uisiu ania acacua rang apanasaquitan o apate reng carelang meliling cabangal quing bie.

Balu da nang ali ia macatuliran ing anti'tang situasiun, ot luban ia pa? Ot e na pa subucan larinan ing dapat larinan. Nung ala nang taganang solusiun, ot e na mu misabi, micasundu, desisiunan ing masaleseng pamicauani baiu luban ing panibaiung relasiun?

Sadia bang masaquit gulutan ing tucsu?

"Dapat ing catutuan ena mapalitan
E ca maguing cacu capilan man"

Miguising ne man pala quing catataulian. Simap. Oneng asnang calagua ing maniabi quesa quing daraptan. Pepaburen na neng lugud ia, e mu cabud mamanga. Malambat mu rin ing prosesu ning pamangalinguan. Masaquit at masaquit. O'bat pa casi pepainabu quing (balon o kaya ravine).

Saguli. Atin iatang mecalinguan.

Ana pa nitang luluguran? Lulugud ia naman caia queia? Ali man iata e. Pebalu ne caia? Nanu mo caia ing pequibat na?

Matinatinang mananaimic ing pamibie-bie, ot nanung misamutanan ia? Ing lulugud, megulu ia isip ampo pusu. Nung pepabaluan ne ing queiang luluguran, meistorbu ia naman - lulugud ia man o ali queia.

Maimung pangamanu. Maiumung lugud. Mulalang lugud.

Taganang i Cupidung aini, asnang capamuisit.



*****************

agaua cu caia
rodel gozum

Nung magsilbi mu sa cacu iang calagan
Pusu mung mitali quilub ning pisamban
Nung ing milabas sa agiu cung balican
Dacal la ring bague buri cung alilan.

Abalic cu caia danum a minagus
Maluat ng milayi quing daiat tinaglus
Ding aldo at bulan,banuang mengapupus
Magbalic la kaia nung iacu ing maus?

Agaua cu caiang melagas a bulung
Tunggal-tunggal balic quing sanga ding impun
Mapaliari caiang ing paspas ning alun
Balic co quing daiat pati na ing napun?

Agaua cu caia na icata mu pa
Ding micurus dalan baiu icong adua
Mapaliari caiang ing macabalu pa
Quing lagiu mu iacu at aliua ia sa?

Agaua cu caiang gamat mung tatarian
Aliua ing caia nuneyng cacung uanan
Mapaliari caia na cacu lang uman
Malutu mung labi a maiumu timan?

Agaua cu caiang cacu iang palitan
Ining misnang pait a casalucuian
Mapaliari caiang iacung quecang caulan
At cacu ilapat ing quecang catauan?

Agaua cu caiang iacu ing dinan mu
Quing tune mung lugud a paninapan cu
Maliari pa caiang iacung caiabe mu
Angga quing mapupus ing sabla quing iatu?

Dapot ing catutuan ena mipalitan
E cu na abalic ing mengalabasan
Dapat cung tanggapan ing casalucuian
E ca maguing cacu masqui capilan man.

Ca Rodel Gozum, aini ing comentu cu. Cuculitan mu cung mamie comentu careng angang cautasan mung papasquil mu quing dalig cu, oneng ali tamu naman apilit ing metung a taung mamie comentu nung ali ia bisa, e uari? Oneng ban canita ala na ca rugung asabi canacu, aini na. Mipacaba mu pin. E cu mag-critique uling e na cu man expert careng tecnicalidad da reng poesia. At e cu poeta, magsasa-poeta cu mu rugu. Ania ining sinulat cung ini, reacsiun que mu quing abasa cu. Quits ta na?

duldul, uran

duldul, duldul!

mamaquirut na ca na naman.

sulung, pamiglan mu mu naman,

anac a magtudtudtudturan.

uran, uran!

macataquiqui ia 'man canian.

manugtug tanaman 'po gabun.

reng alang paiung, liuasuasan.

uran, duldul!

o'bat ning misan,

(e co sabi ne?)

cauani naman.

duldul, uran!

uran, duldul!

casungit da 'man.

padigsu-digsu.

datangan, lacuan.

duldul, uran!

duldul, duldul!

isundu pamamieng babala.

bang canita macapag-adia,

quing paniatang - masican, maina

uran, uran!

uran at anguin

uran.

deng tugac, memaglual.

deng bibi, memandilu.

sisi’t aiup, memanialilung.

anguin.

deng sanga, uauasiuas.

deng bulung, mengalagas.

bungang-tanaman, mengabalag.

anguin, uran,

e iu pacasican.

e iu pandalasan.

catamtaman mu sa.

Apulung Banua

Capat a aldo

Ning ica-limang bulan.

Aduang pulung banua,

Sinaguli milabas.

Aduang pulung banua,

Miragdag quing idad.

Aduang pulung banua,

Ing adua, meging lima.

Aduang pulung banua,

Asadsad.

Misadsad caia,

Aduang pulu pang banua?

Miragdagan siguradu ing lima,

Aduang pulu pang banua.

Agiu ning catauan caia,

Aduang pulu pang banua?

Saguli lumabas,

Aduang pulu pang banua.

Quing ica-limang bulan

Ica-apat a aldo.

Sweet November

Lolling on the couch one lazy afternoon with one mobile phone on each hand, my attention was caught by a scene on the television wherein a lady was called upon by the instructor to turn in her paper because of cheating.
Sara failed the test for a driver’s license because of Nelson, a fellow test-taker.  Sara then pestered Nelson to drive her around and be with her for a month with a promise that she will change his life for the better. Nelson is a typical career guy, someone who doesn’t have the time to “stop-and-smell-the-flowers”, while Sara is someone who embraces and savors life and lives for the present. 

Sara: Just let it happen. Please don’t go.

Nelson: Why?

Sara: Because you know you don’t want to go.

I believe this is the first turning point for Nelson - an unconscious admittance of his feelings for Sara.  Thus, paving the way for a Sweet November. So sweet a month it was indeed that passed for both that Nelson did learn to be more appreciative of life’s little pleasures which brought about the resultant marriage proposal to Sara.


It was hinted that Sara had various “months” somehow making light of her time with Nelson. But it was quickly dispelled with Sara’s words that although she has received other marriage proposals in the past, this is the first time she felt tempted to say yes.  Sara turned down Nelson’s proposal and requested him to leave for November is finished. Unspoken but most important, her days are numbered.


Does imminent death really bring out the best in us? Does the knowledge that we’ll soon be departing this earthly life, make things clearer for us inside? Is that the only time we could see the beauty in simplicity? The only time wherein we could fully embrace life without thinking of society-dictated norms? 


Sara’s choice of a gift for Nelson – and for her too - is the good memories. She preferred having memories of the November love they shared be untainted by sickness and sorrow which her last days will surely bring. She chose to spend her remaining days only within the bosom of her family. 


A day in December to recreate and lengthen the sweet November was staged by Nelson. The room was festooned by November calendars. A declaration that November was all he will ever know, ever want to know. A night again spent in each other’s arms – a bubble of November in December. Daylight came with reality as imposed by Sara.  November, really finished and gone. Only good memories for both, thus goodbye.


Was Sara fair in this decision? Did she not rob Nelson of a chance to continue to show his love and care for her? Would memories of her sick and dying days, really taint the love they share? Should loving consist only of the good times?

“Now turn away, ‘Cause am awful just to see

‘Cause all my hair’s abandoned all my body

Oh my agony

Know that I will never marry

Baby, am just soggy from the chemo

But counting down the days to go.

It just ain’t living and I just hope you know

That if you say goodbye today

I’d asked you to be true

‘Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you”

I prefer the way this song, Cancer, of My Chemical Romance went than the movie. At least in the song, the ill partner may continually bid the other to turn away, but they are together. That is what love is for me. That is what commitment is for me. The good and bad. The joy and sorrow.  As long as there is love to share, breath to live, why leave each other just to spare one or the other sorrow and bear death without your other half.

Serendipity

Feeling out of sorts, I perused my son’s video files on the netbook. There is only one movie title I was somehow familiar with. So I settled in to watch.

Serendipity.

Fate.

Destiny.

Soulmates.

Pipe Dream.

Two complete strangers who met by chance and spent a few hours in a single night.

How did they become so attached to each other? How did those few hours mean so much to the both of them? Attraction? Spark? Good conversation? A meeting of minds - of souls?

They had their separate romantic relationships which progressed to marriage proposals. But they still thought of each other. The guy even backed out of his own wedding on the day itself despite of the fact that his last-minute search for the girl proved futile.

Why?

How?

They say life is stranger than fiction. But for me, this is one of those which prove that wrong.  The premise was signs. What if one cannot interpret signs? The precise question should actually be, what if those purported signs are not signs at all?

The movie ended with them together celebrating an anniversary. Did they live happily-ever-after? How many years did they actually spend together after that last scene, if they did not have the fairy-tale ending? If they did not stay together forever-and-ever-amen, then what was the point of the whole concept?

A few days ago, I again came across Richard Bach’s quote.

“A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.”

I have never fully subscribed to the idea of soulmates. If one does find such, then am ecstatic for them. They are truly lucky and or blessed. But it wouldn’t mean I would believe in the concept. My mind says that this is too perfect to be true. My heart, of course, goes fluttery and yearns for one such perfectly glorious relationship.

A pipe dream.

Aini, Sinulat Na Cu


Bull's eye! Mituran cung tune't tutu. Caiari cung binasa ini: http://siwalangsinukuan.wordpress.com/pamanigaral/ 

Pamuclat pamu, e cu na balung sabian quing Amanung Sisuan. Macananu cu caia macapagcudtang masalese?

Ua naman, paniualan cung ing pamisulat, anti ia mu quing cacatac. Oneng paniualan cu naman a sadiang malagua ing manuru quesa quing daptan o gauan mu ing mismung simbitla mu.

Mamie cu mu sanang comentu quing macapasquil a ian. Oneng acarinaian cung icabit carin ing canacung comentu aniang iquit cu deng aliuang comentu. Baquit amo? O caiabe cu pin pala careng Maquipasari quing bilungan aita e! Caibat aquit da reng talabasa ing metung careng maquipasari e bisang (e biasang) susulat?! Nuco! Siguradung e mu saping o sagap ing tacman cu careng caiabe cu carin - figuratively, of course. I hope. (Lauen iu na, e cu taganang misadsad a e misamut ing Ingles ne? Macananu uari ing "figuratively, of course. I hope," quing Capampangan?)

Nanu na pala ing sinabi na? "E mu na panenaian isable ra ca queng bacud-alambri at palangui ra cang anti’ng daing." Aro! Ayni o, susulat/cacatac na cu! 

Quetang mitagan cung blog a pacasalicut cu at anga man ngeni, ala man apulung catau deng maquibalu, asambitla cu na carin a tatacut cung sumulat pasibaiu. Oneng ngana pin nining saneseng ibat quing bilungan, anti ia mu pin naman quing simpling cacatac ing pamaniulat. Caralas cu pamong cacatac ngeni quing facebook patungcul careng mialiuang issues. Cadalasan mu pin quing amanung Ingles.

Oneng carin, mangacuiad mu deng cacatac cu. Caibat atin maquibat. Caibat maquibat cu naman. Ini, acung dili. Anti cung magsabi-sabi. Mag-monologue. Paquiramdam cu ita uli na ning cacarugan cu ing pamaniulat. Lalus na ngening miabe cu rugu carening matenacan a talasulat at poeta. Pota ing isulat cu matsura ia, lunto la pang macarine deng caiabe cu.

Dirinan cu lang camarinaian. Pota atin macasabi carelang ot ninanu la at meluse-luse la at aisip dang iabe ing anti cacung alang beluan. Ita ing mabaiat cung sangcan quing panaun a iti. Quing panga-abe cu quing bilungan a ita, lalus cu iatang metaloti.

Quing cadaldal cung ini, dacal cu taganang asulat. Lauen iu, mecaba ne ini, e uari? Oneng masalese ne man caia ini? Istu ia caia pangasulat? Ing pangagamit da reng amanu? Ing pangagaua da reng sentences? Ing pangabalangcas? Minie ia caiang tula o sora? Aili o sibactung?

Bala na. E na cu siguru "misable quing bacud-alambri" uling quinatac na cu. Mecad palangian da na cu mung "anti'ng daing" uling macasorang babasan ining quetac cu.

Dead Women Walking
by: Women's Rights

Dead woman walking,
her spirit all but gone;
a long forgotten memory
called happiness
flitting through the
dark recesses
of her mind…

She does her chores
mechanically, like clockwork,
knowing that she only has
a few quiet hours
in which to finish
before they all tumble
in through the door…

Her thoughts are on
auto-pilot, her motions
concise and efficient,
knowing that it all
must be perfect
before he gets home
or they will all
suffer at his hands…

As she passes the mirror,
at first glance all she sees
is the dirt that needs
to be wiped clean,
but then, as her gaze
falls on her own face
she freezes at what
she sees in her
own reflection…

How did she get so old at 45?

And as she peers into the
question that haunts her,
revealed within her
quizzical expression,
she gently lays down
the cleaning cloth,
smooths back her hair,
walks through the front door…

......and never looks back.


https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=287358874685854&set=a.235888893166186.59323.126612230760520&type=1

A Voracious Reader

As a voracious reader, I devoured pages. When I start a book, I almost always do not stop until I have finished it. I bring the book everywhere with me – on the dining table, in bed, in the bathroom, on the road, in meetings. I do not skip paragraphs nor do I take a peek at the last page or the last chapter. Absolutely cover to cover.

My biggest book-buying spree was for Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series. I got books one to eleven and the prequel in two successive days. My favourite bookstore had a sale and some of these titles came with a 60% discount sticker. How could anyone resist? Since then, the next two books have been released and I gave read them. Waiting for the last two is agony. When the last instalment is released, in paperback version, I would again start with the prequel and go through the entire sixteen books with no other books in between. I want to relish the story from start to end.

Novels, tests, do-it-yourself, school textbooks, and magazines are what populate my shelves. I often shy away from religious, self-help, history, philosophy, and psychology books because I prefer reading these in small amounts. Biographies do not interest me that much too. I bought The Art of War, The Purpose Driven Life, and Chicken Soup for the Mother’s Soul in the hopes of drumming enough interest in reading these. It didn’t.

A gift of Leo Buscaglia’s Living, Loving and Learning interested me enough to buy the rest of his titles. Those I have read several times with the occasional peeks for those times I felt the need to see his words again.

Alvin Toffler is another author I would like to see on my shelves. I have read his three titles and I would like to reread them but I haven’t caught them with a sale sticker yet.

With the proliferation of free ebooks on the net, I have downloaded so many titles but I haven’t had the chance to read them all. I felt I turned into a hoarder at one point – download and save. One of these days, I really have to find the time to sort them all out, file accordingly, and read.
But a real book is what does it for me. Ebooks do not give me the entire sensorial experience I get from real books. I like turning pages. I like seeing the battered cover and pages. I love the smell of both new and old books. That is probably why I haven’t really read the ebooks I have on file.

Kapampangan poetry books, a Kapampangan linguistic book, Carlos Castaneda. These are what I have on my bedside table along with The Real Frank Zappa, Brains and Realities, Nietzsche’s Beyond Good and Evil, and two English poetry collections on ebooks on my android.

The linguistic book is what taught me how not to read from cover to cover. It defeated my reading style. So I give it a read nowadays a page at a time whenever I feel the urge for learning something more on Kapampangan words.

So I moved on to the Kapampangan poetry books. I love poetry but I usually read a poem at a time. But I felt that since I have lately become used to reading several of these in one go on my facebook groups, I thought I could do my cover-to-cover thing. Again, it didn’t work. In the trying, my belief firmed that a poem has to be fully savoured and not hurried through.

To Castaneda I went. (Actually, I should finish it as soon as possible because my copies are only on loan. The owner surely would want to have it back.) Although it is classified under philosophy, psychology, and psychiatry, it is presented in a story-like fashion – my kind of book. But then again, I found myself stopping after a few pages or a chapter. Reading a part makes me want to stop reading further until such time I have recorded my reactions, questions, and reflections on that particular part. I tried bookmarking certain paragraphs and pages wherein I felt the need to say my piece and go back to those when I have the time. The book is now much thicker with Stickons and I do not have the luxury of time for writing down my reflections.

During the times I do not have any of these books with me; I read the ebooks on my android. But I haven’t finished anything yet. I like the biography but I do not enjoy reading a book on this gadget.

With all these starts and stops, I feel like I do not know how to read a book anymore. I felt that it would do me a world of good if I would replace, just for a time, these books with my usual books. So I took down Anne Rice’s Vampire Armand and I did not let it leave my hands for several days. It failed to catch my interest as before. I replaced it with John Grisham’s A Painted House. Then, Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six. Then, Richard North Patterson’s In the Eyes of a Child. Then, Patricia Cornwell’s Scarpetta. Then, Stephen King’s Hearts in Atlantis. Then, Stephenie Meyers’ Twilight. Then, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. Nothing caught and held my attention as before. My mind wanders back to those books I haven’t finished.

Puzzling out the whys and hows of this impasse is something I do not want to delve into further at this point. I would just give the time it would require for this into reading the books themselves. Maybe then the answer to this conundrum would present itself clearly and easily after I manage to finish one or two of those books.

Look.

At things.

At people.

See.

With the mind’s eye.

With the heart’s eye.

Swirling thoughts,

A nugget shines.

Bewildering thoughts,

Lucidity flashes.

Be calm.

Be still.

Be serene.

Observe.

Perceive.

Believe.

Cara on the Toblerone

Puff, the Magic Dragon playing in my head

with coffee and cigarettes at three in the afternoon.

Mobile inbox groaning with notifications.

Hello Friend lyrics teasing my mind

with coffee and cigarettes at three in the afternoon.

Oh, lovers watching a movie in my living room.

Skimming through Kasapunggul a Sampaga II

with coffee and cigarettes at three in the afternoon.

Thinking of tonight's birthday dinner.

Carlos and Don Juan engaging in looking and seeing

with coffee and cigarettes at three in the afternoon.

Good! Ang Mahiwagang Batuta is fine.

Wondering why he didn't know the song of Paul McCrane

with coffee and cigarettes at three in the afternoon.

Smiling at the name on the white Toblerone box.

Remembering Bread's song I requested him to sing

with coffee and cigarettes at three in the afternoon.

Oh my, it really is three in the afternoon?!

White Chocolate Mocha

Flavoured coffee and cigarettes, enjoyed solitarily
in an overpriced coffee shop in a mall.
Laptops, tablets and androids on tables.
A pair of women in denim short-shorts paraded by.
Surreptitious glances thrown on the guys over at the next table.
A pregnant lady in short dress toted shopping bags.
Two children trailed behind with the nanny.
A towering foreign male strutted past.
A Filipina, half his height, wrapped on his arm.
A pair of giggly teenagers in uniform, from the nearby public school,
sipped on ventis worth more than their parents’ daily wage.
A trio of street urchins sidled between tables.
Begging and hoping for the last sip, the last nibble.
Two blissful hours spent doing absolutely nothing.

along a deserted road

half moon peeking,
overgrown wildgrass swaying,
smell of rich molasses wafting,
chill wind caressing.
hands gripping the wheel,
heart thudding,
eyes misting,
thoughts confusing.
vehicle speeding,
curve approaching,
tree looming,
sanity returning.

Red's She

In a tower,

she entered.

Knowing,

without seeing,

what lies ahead.

Tower doors

locked shut,

keys thrown in the moat.

Windows she passed,

decisively closed.

A glimpse she needed,

for sanity and strength.

A peek

at windows

again and again.

Once, twice, thrice,

windows partly opened.

Ah joy! So bittersweet.

Fleeting moments,

spiderweb-like cracks it wrought.



05032012

quagmire

where do i go?
where do i turn?
brick walls all around!
what do i do?
what should i do?
answers couldn't be found!
who to ask?
who to succor?
no one comes to mind.
why did this happen?
why did it come to this?
seeking within is too consuming.
when did it start?
when would it stop?
birth to death, the supposed answer.
how does one surface from this depth?
how does one get out of this quagmire?
in this darkness, can a sliver of light penetrate?

honchos

coffee, but no cigarettes
in the inner sanctum
of the top honcho' s office.
documents given, perused.
few words, glances all 'round
scribbles, lo, request granted.
a piece of paper next slipped,
penned by the ex-honcho.
leaving, money did change hands.

Indeed one of the tragedies in life is having no goal to reach. But who are we to say that a particular person has no goal? What if that particular person is wallowing abject poverty?

All have goals, I believe. But to the majority, it is simply looking for the next food on the table. To us who do view the world, and life, in a broader perspective, know that that can never be enough. But what if that is only what their minds can grasp? Who are we to judge then, especially when we do not help in alleviating their poverty or raising their level of consciousness and awareness?

But then, that is a large-scale view. The barrio setting provides a smaller view. They do have goals, too. To finally 'finish' their house. To have their kids finish even just the elementary level. To have their daughter go to Japan or marry a foreigner. To have their elder children get work so they could help in raising their younger siblings.

Goals. But not the right set that will truly better their condition raise their level of awareness. Just plain survival.

not a special day

Then the clock struck the midnight hour.

Another year survived.

This time around, it caught me on a contest of will and guessing game with a relatively new friend. Win some, lose some.

The second hour saw me driving on a deserted stretch of road with my sister and her partner. Then my first meal of the day - goto and tokwa't baboy on a hole in the wall. i finally saw my bed just before dawn broke.

Just a few hours after, work mates woke me up. It was work for the rest of the day and evening. Even during the mini-celebration.

Highlight of the day? Got a lot of greetings posted on my facebook timeline. It took me more than a day to thank them individually.

celebrating - should be.

celebrating - must i?
just another year.

valentine's coming up,
just another day.
ordinary days.

nothing special at all.

Yes, nothing special at all.

But some good friends did give me some smiles. Like my gypsy friend.

"now is the anniversary of your rebirth...may you have more lives to live evolving towards perfection,until no need to be reborn again. truly...life begins at 40...ing hanggang kamuritan,meaning ning bie, kamutingan abalu mu ngan...i should say it will change your view and understanding what life is all about...awesome and indescribable beauty,crazy but sacred..."

Problem though, I still have to wait for another year. :)

My Coia.

Masayang kebaitan keka J*** ***** ****o

Sana maging masaya ya ining kekang aldo,

Dagdagan na pa sana ning Guinung atyu babo

Ing grasyang atyu keka, ita sanang lalapo.

.

Ipangadi ku mu rin ing ingatan na ka

Ing dakal a pagsubuk, alampasan mu sana,

Deng kekang kaluguran pagtumayla da ka

Ngeni, kapilanman, angga king alang angga.

This from my amigo.

"happy birthday.....sana'y lagi kng masaya di lng sa iyong kaarawan kundi maging sa araw araw,,,

at nawa'y

sampalin,

suntukin,

tadyak

sikaran,at

bagyuhin

at lindulin

ng maraming

mga swerte at mga

pagpapala ng panginoon,,,

MALIGAYANG KAARAWAN-:[][][] 0(^______^)0"

This on my inbox from another friend.

Happy Birthday

_()()()()()
_ | | | | |
{ . _ . _ . _ . _ . }
_ _{ . _ . _ . _ . _ . }__
`~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Aldo kebaitan iti emu akalingwan
Binye ni Igpa at iti mu pakamalan
Kareng masanting biyaya mung dadalanan
King ablas ning kekang pipagalan.

Masanting ya regalu king bie mu
Na ika atin ka pamilyang pahinturu
Kabud buri mulang igapang at itikdu
Para eda dalanan itang kruz pisanan mu

Ing aldo ayni aldo ika matula
Uling aldo ning kekang kaybaytan
Nanu karin sisimbulu king kekang katatagan
At kekang harapan ing unus a daratang

Ing cake a ine kekaming bibye
Ini simbulu miya king kekang ganaka
Ikaming pamilya mu king Buclud matula
Sasabing kaluguran daka

King Igpa tamu ming adwan
King kekang sarili, obra at pamilya
Yabe mune ing darandaman
Atin ka sana king masanting kabilyan

At emi kakalingwan pa kang Igpa

Na kekaming adwan

Na sana dakal ka pang

Kandilang labulan

Masayang aldo kebaytan

This was a surprise.

"Mamugue queca, aldó mu ngeni,

Ing anggáng pangarap mu sana mipaltutû,
Ding caluguran at quecang milulugúd,
Ara ngang agnán-agnán:
"Mayap a aldó ning quebaitán!""

Oh well. These among others may be construed as special. Make no mistake, am truly thankful for the nuggets. But as a whole, it really wasn't special.